Actions have consequences. Actions affect the state of the world. Actions can be rewarded or punished, respected or disliked—but it is always the actions, not the person, that carry the moral weight.

Actions shape the world. They come with consequences, and those consequences matter. Some actions are rewarded, some punished, and some judged as admirable or disgusting.

But when we talk about killing the ego, we mean separating identity from action. At first, this sounds counterintuitive, after all, actions come from the person. Something inside the person led to the action, so why pretend they’re separate?

The answer is subtle: A person is fully responsible for their actions, but their identity is not defined by those actions.

Rewarding or punishing actions is never about validating or invalidating a person’s worth. It’s about shaping behavior—reinforcing the positive and reducing the negative. Not rewarding or eliminating people, but actions.

The Two Faces of Ego

A big ego has two opposite, destructive sides:

  1. Narcissistic self-love
  2. Deep self-hate

Both are toxic. Both assume that actions define the person. Both believe the person is the sole, complete author of their actions. Both use outcomes—success or failure—as proof of personal worth or worthlessness.

  • A win isn’t just a win; it becomes evidence of superiority.
  • A loss isn’t just a loss; it becomes evidence of inferiority.

This mindset completely ignores the truth: Actions are influenced by countless factors: environment, upbringing, health, opportunity, luck, timing; most of which we never chose.

These states were not decided by the individual. They cannot be proud or ashamed of the circumstances that led them to act a certain way. Much of life is fortune or misfortune, blessing or curse, luck or bad luck.

To be a true “winner” or “loser,” life would need to be a fair game, equal backgrounds, equal chances, equal resources, and outcomes purely based on skill and effort.

But life is none of these things.

We are born unequal:

  • Some into wealth, some into poverty
  • Some into health, some into illness
  • Some into love, some into neglect

These circumstances shape our actions more than we admit.

So in truth: There are no winners or losers, only fortunate and unfortunate.

You may not have chosen the situation that shaped your actions. But you are still accountable for the actions themselves, because your actions are the only thing that can meaningfully influence the world.

Killing the ego does not remove responsibility. It removes the illusion that actions define identity.

Three Conclusions of a Killed Ego

If we deeply internalize this worldview, three powerful conclusions follow:

  1. All humans are equal.
  2. Actions must be judged on their own merit.
  3. We can be free from shame and pride.

Each of these creates a more peaceful inner world and a more harmonious society.

1. Equality of Humans

All humans, your family, enemies, friends, criminals, saints, rich, poor, powerful, weak, they are fundamentally equal to you. No one’s identity is superior or inferior.

This recognition allows the room for respect and human dignity. Without human dignity, accountability becomes illogical.

Respect & Dignity

  • Respect: recognizing the inherent value of someone, restraining our actions so we do not harm them.
  • Dignity: the minimum level of respect owed to every human simply because they exist.

We may respect some people more or less based on our values, but dignity is non-negotiable as equal treatment of everyone.

The Core of Human Dignity

Dignity is built on one belief:

A person’s actions should be as freely chosen as possible.

Otherwise, holding them accountable makes no moral sense.

We must avoid placing people in situations where they have no choice but to act in a certain way.

This does not mean providing for all their wants or removing all hardship. It simply means we must avoid directly stripping others of the freedom to choose, such as through:

1. Dishonesty

Lies distort choice. If someone acts based on deception, their freedom was compromised.

2. Humiliation

Shaming or mocking someone reduces their ability to act freely. Humiliated people act from fear, not freedom.

3. Coercion

Threats force actions, destroying autonomy.

Maintaining dignity is not about being moral—it’s about keeping accountability logical. Only free choices can be fairly judged.

However this doesn’t mean we can’t influence others at all, in fact we always do, and that’s fine as long as we leave room for concent and freedom of choice. You can influence their choices through, incentives and transactions that they agreed upon freely.

As long as they have freedom choice of participation in the contract and transaction with dignity is preserved, accountability remains intact. Terms of which contract should always leave room for opt-out and freedom of choice.

2. Judging Actions on Their Own Merit

When all humans are equal and dignity is preserved, actions can be judged cleanly.

Actions should be rewarded or punished based on their merit, not the identity, status, or story of the person who took them.

This clears the path for effective credit assignment:

  • reinforce positive actions
  • eliminate negative ones

But when manipulation, coercion, dishonesty, or humiliation enter the picture, responsibility becomes blurred.

Even if an action is punished or rewarded, the person may not internalize anything, because they didn’t act from their own free will.

3. Freedom from Shame and Pride

Killing the ego frees us from tying our identity to our actions or choices.

People everywhere are paralyzed by:

  • the fear of being shamed for their choices
  • the pressure to take pride in choices that “prove” their worth

This isn’t only in love or relationships—it’s in career, friendships, hobbies, beliefs.

Modern life makes this worse. Endless options create endless comparison.

In the past, people married by proximity or destiny. Not because they “optimized” their choice, but because they accepted life’s randomness.

Today:

  • people chase perfect partners
  • search endlessly for better options
  • fear committing
  • fear being judged

Infinite choice plus ego equals anxiety, paralysis, depression.

Before, people believed in fate and fortune. Kings and nobles weren’t seen as “superior,” just more fortunate. Today we worship celebrities, influencers, entrepreneurs. Their identities, not their actions, get glorified.

When ego dies:

  • the chase ends
  • the pressure ends
  • the fear ends

You can commit. You can choose. You can love. You can act freely without fear of shame or pride.

A Universe Expressing Itself

You are not a mistake, nor a superior being, nor a loser or a winner. You are a unique expression of the universe experiencing itself.

Everyone else is the same. Different expressions, equal participants.

We take action, and the universe, through consequences, shapes us in return.

We remain responsible for our actions. We continue rewarding good and punishing bad. But we stop believing the illusion that identity is tied to any action.

That illusion is the birthplace of suffering.

We are each alone on a small boat in the vast and chaotic ocean of existence. Our ego is only a paddle we cling to because we believe it can help us control the waters. We should throw it away, drowning the false sense of control it gives us.

To move with life, we need to learn to sail with its currents, work with the winds that come our way, and let go of the unnecessary weight. The rigid beliefs, the false identities, and the useless paddling only make the journey harder than it needs to be.

When we kill the ego, we free ourselves to navigate life with clarity, grace, acceptance, and true freedom.