We all need a story to navigate our lives and that story usually has one conclusion: We deserve more.

Everyone Lies

We all need a story to navigate our lives, and that story usually has one conclusion:

We deserve more.

Our identity, personality, morality, and even our sense of justice grow from this narrative. It isn’t because we’re evil. It’s because we are biological creatures inside a competitive, resource-limited system. Any such system naturally produces stories that justify survival and advantage.

But here’s the problem:

For those of us who didn’t grow up with a story of deserving more, for those who believed they deserved less, or simply “enough”, society, or even a small minority who believed they deserved more, slowly took our resources, piece by piece. And we didn’t resist strongly, because our story didn’t prepare us to.

So we adapted. We built stories to protect ourselves.

Stories that say: I deserve more. Not because it is universally true, but because it had to be true for us to survive.

But it cannot be true for everyone at the same time. You cannot have a limited cake and assume every person deserves a bigger slice.

Since we could not agree on how to divide the cake, people began crafting stronger, more persuasive stories, stories compelling enough to convince others that their claim to more was justified.

And so, merely believing your own story wasn’t enough. You needed a story that convinces others, even if that required bending reality.

As George Costanza famously said:

“It’s not a lie if you believe it.”

We lie to ourselves first, convincing ourselves we rightfully deserve more, and then we learn how to convince others.

There were never any reasons or incentives in evolution for us to develop an objective and critical view of our own stories, We did not need a sense of ego, consciousness, or morality to survive, All we needed was a convincing story that we deserved more, and the ability to persuade others to give us more.

Any ability we have to question our own stories is a byproduct of other cognitive functions, not an evolved trait designed to help us be more honest or moral.

Anyone who believes they are not self-deceptive is simply unaware of their own self-deception, As Richard Feynman said:

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.

This is the root of every central belief system: Religions, nationalism, racism, capitalism, communism, and even the human motivations behind countless scientific discoveries, technological breakthroughs, and cultural movements.

We Become the Characters We Create

We begin to act out the story we’ve crafted. We walk around rehearsing the same inner monologue:

“I am underappreciated. I deserve more.”

And because everyone around us is doing the same, another story covers all our individual stories: the story of society.

Society’s story is not neutral. It is the accumulated effort of millions of individual narratives, each trying to justify why they deserve more. By accepting society’s story, we indirectly accept that others deserve more… which means we deserve less. Therefore, there is a constant tension between our personal story and society’s story. It leads us to make our story louder, stronger, and more convincing, by involving others, we call them family, friends, colleagues, or even kind strangers.

These people become our allies in the story, they are as lonely and desperate as we are, to believe they deserve more too.

They seem to believe we deserve more. Why?

Because their relationship with us is not a closed system. Their benefit is tied to ours. If they support our story, we can acquire more resources from society, and they can share in that. We can give them emotional support, social status, or even material benefits. We can make them feel good about themselves for being on the “right side” of history. We can support their stories of deserving more.

Even this encouragement is, in a subtle way, a self-interested act.

The Real Power of a Story

The strength of a story is not in the words, but in the followers. A story becomes powerful when enough people are willing to believe it, defend it, and even die for it.

This is how we built religions, national identities, and cultural rituals. Big lies require immense support structures.

Groups survive by uniting under a shared story: “We deserve more than the outsiders.”

This always requires an outside force, an enemy, a competitor. That’s why:

There will never be a truly global religion.
There will never be a unified world nation.

Cooperation only works when there is someone outside the walls to take from, resist, or compete with.

Let’s call this the minimum viable lie, the essential mask we wear after losing our innocence. And sometimes this mask stays minimal, only as much deception as we need to survive.

But often, it grows. It becomes more than a necessary evil. It becomes true evil.

And almost every act of evil in human history can be traced back to this narrative: We deserve more.

What Comes Next

Based on this framework, I will explore the four core questions:

Who are the people who lie bigger and do more evil?
What are the most common patterns we all use for our stories?
How to regulate our stories to do less harm to others while still surviving?
What if our story gets defeated in our society?

PART 1: Who Are the People Who Lie Bigger and Do More Evil?

Those who lie more and commit greater evil are often those who have mastered the art of storytelling. They are skilled at crafting narratives that resonate with others, tapping into their desires and fears. These individuals often change their stories to fit different audiences, making them more persuasive and convincing.

But behind all that, they share a common trait: a deep-seated despair that they cannot survive without taking more from others. They believe that their survival and success depend on acquiring more resources, power, or status than others. This desperation drives them to lie more and do even greater evil, as they see it as a necessary means to an end.

It is common for a person coming from a financially and emotionally disadvantaged background to develop a strong desire for more. They may feel that they have been denied opportunities and resources that others have had access to, which can lead to a sense of injustice and resentment. This can fuel their desire to acquire more, even if it means lying or doing harm to others.

Although it is less common, it is possible for a person from a wealthy background, both financially, emotionally, and socially, to develop a strong desire for more as well. They may feel pressure to maintain their status and wealth, which can lead to a sense of insecurity and a fear of losing what they have. This can also fuel their desire to acquire more, even if it means lying or doing harm to others.

Ultimately, the people who lie bigger and do more evil are those who are driven by a deep-seated desperation to survive and succeed. They are willing to do whatever it takes to achieve their goals, even if it means lying or harming others in the process.

This comes from a lack of confidence in their own worth and abilities. They may feel that they are not good enough or deserving enough to succeed on their own merits, leading them to resort to deception and manipulation to get ahead. This lack of self-worth can stem from various factors, including childhood experiences, societal pressures, and personal insecurities.

If someone does not respect themselves and does not see their own value, they can not respect others and value them either. They can only pretend, act, and manipulate a sense of respect and connection to others to achieve their goals.

This is precisely equivalent to the evil triad in psychology:

Narcissism: excessive self-love and a lack of empathy for others.

Machiavellianism: a manipulative and deceitful approach to interpersonal relationships.

Psychopathy: a lack of remorse or guilt for harmful actions.

These people have three abilities that allow them to become master storytellers of evil:

They can operate under high levels of stress and pressure. They have a high tolerance for risk and uncertainty: they can lie and manipulate even when the stakes are high, and they can maintain their composure and focus in difficult situations.
They are unpredictable and adaptable: They can quickly change their tactics and strategies to fit different situations and audiences, making them difficult to anticipate or counter.
They have multiple personality disorders: They can switch between different personas and identities to suit their needs, allowing them to blend in and manipulate others more effectively.

In their mind, they are not switching stories; they are not deceiving others; they are just simply being true to their own complex and multifaceted identity. They perceive themselves as justified in their actions, believing that they are entitled to more and that the means justify the ends.

Only when someone masters all evil triad traits can they tell the most convincing stories to deserve more, and commit the most evil acts to get it. The foolish part is to believe that we are immune to these traits ourselves, as people who commit the most evil acts are often those who do not recognize their own evil. While there is no justification for us not to possess these traits, there are ample incentives to master them and believe in our innocence.

PART 2: What are the most common patterns we all use for our stories?

Here are some common patterns we use to construct and maintain our personal and collective narratives:

1. Confirmation bias: We may seek out information or opinions that support our existing beliefs, while ignoring or dismissing evidence that contradicts them. This is the engine behind all self-deception.

2. Victimhood: We may portray ourselves as victims to garner sympathy, establish moral authority, or secure protection. Victimhood grants enormous moral power. It prevents accountability and justifies almost any action.

3. Strategic/Manufactured Vulnerability: We may exaggerate or fabricate vulnerabilities to manipulate others into supporting our story, or share their vulnerabilities to create a sense of connection.

4. Scorekeeping: We may keep track of favors, sacrifices, or hardships to justify our claims for additional resources or support.

5. Comparative shaming: We may compare ourselves to others, or compare them or someone else in a way that highlights their shortcomings and shame them into claiming more from them.

6. Selective memory: We may recall events in a way that supports our narrative, while forgetting or ignoring contradictory details.

7. Blame-shifting: We often blame others for our problems or failures to avoid taking responsibility.

8. Gaslighting: We may manipulate others into doubting their own perceptions or memories to maintain control over the narrative.

9. Scapegoating: We blame a specific group or individual for broader problems to divert attention from our own shortcomings.

10. Exaggeration: We often exaggerate our achievements, skills, or experiences to appear more impressive or competent.

11. Minimization: We downplay our mistakes or shortcomings to avoid taking responsibility.

12. Deflection: We change the subject or divert attention away from uncomfortable topics to avoid scrutiny.

13. Omission: We leave out key details or facts that could undermine our story or portray us in a negative light.

14. Overgeneralization: We make broad statements or assumptions based on limited evidence to support our narrative.

15. False causality: We imply that one event caused another without real evidence.

16. False dichotomy: We present a situation as having only two options when, in fact, more exist.

17. Social proof: We use the opinions or actions of others to validate our claims.

18. Appealing to fear: We may use fear tactics to persuade others to believe our story or support our cause.

19. Appealing to emotions: We use emotional appeals to persuade others to accept our story.

20. Manipulative language: We use loaded words, euphemisms, or implications to influence others’ thinking.

21. Polarization: We may create an “us vs. them” mentality to rally support and demonize opposing viewpoints.

22. Repetition: We repeat our story or message many times to reinforce it.

23. Fabrication: We create completely false stories or events to support our narrative.

24. False promises: We make commitments we never intend to keep to gain trust or support.

25. False equivalence: We draw comparisons between unrelated things to justify our narrative.

26. Bandwagon effect: We claim that “everyone” believes our story to create social pressure.

27. Appealing to non-expert authority: We cite influential figures who are not actually experts in the relevant field.

All these patterns are tools we use to construct and maintain our narratives. I named as many as I could think of, but there are certainly more. However, they all boiled down to three core mechanisms:

Distorting Reality: Changing or selectively sharing facts, events, or perceptions to fit our desired narrative. (Dishonesty and Lieing)
Manipulating Emotions: Using emotions, both negative and positive, to influence others’ beliefs and actions. (Humiliation or False Praise)
Coercion: Applying pressure, threats, or social influence to compel others to accept our story. (Intimidation or Peer Pressure)

PART 3: How to regulate our stories to do less harm to others while still surviving?

Regulating our stories to minimize harm while ensuring our survival requires a combination of self-awareness, empathy, and ethical considerations. We should be deeply aware of our own evil triad traits and actively work to counteract them.

Here are some signs and strategies to help us regulate our stories:

Self-Reflection: Regularly examine our own beliefs and motivations, questioning our actions and narratives time after time and judging ourselves harshly as we judge others.
Seek Feedback: Encourage regular, honest feedback from trusted friends, family, or colleagues. Are we open to criticism, or do we become defensive?
Transparency: Be open about our intentions and motivations. Are we afraid to reveal some information about ourselves that could change how others perceive our story?
Accountability: Take responsibility for the impact of our stories on others. Are we willing to say sorry and make amends when our stories cause harm?
Practice Humility: Practice asking for less and accepting that we may not always deserve more. Are we comfortable with uncertainty and imperfection in our narratives?
Foster Critical Thinking: Encourage ourselves and others to question and analyze stories critically. Are we promoting a culture of inquiry and skepticism?
Listen to our Envy: Envy is a sign of feeling that others did not deserve what they got, or we deserve more based on what they have. Are we using our envy to fuel personal growth rather than resentment?
Act with Integrity: Ensure that our actions align with our words. Are we living in accordance with the stories we tell?
Act on Principles not Outcomes: Focus on doing what is right rather than what is expedient. Are we prioritizing ethical behavior over short-term gains?
Promote Empathy: Strive to understand and consider the perspectives of others. Are we recognizing the humanity in those we interact with?

By implementing these regulation strategies, we might weaken our stories, but we can reduce the harm they cause to others while still ensuring our survival and well-being. We can also look for these signs in others to identify when their stories may be causing harm, and encourage them to adopt similar regulation strategies. A true master of evil can imitate all these signs perfectly, as long as it does not threaten their core story of deserving more.

One big trap here is to mistake and believe that by regulating our stories, we become immune to self-deception and lying to ourselves, while in reality, we only become better liars who can convince others more effectively, and get blind to our own self-deception and lies, with a sense of entitlement and self-righteousness that makes us believe we are better than others.

PART 4: What if our story gets defeated in our society?

When our personal or collective story is challenged or defeated, it can lead to a range of emotional and psychological responses. We may experience feelings of anger, frustration, or betrayal, as our sense of identity and purpose is threatened. We may also experience a sense of loss or grief as we are forced to confront the reality that our narrative is not as valid or justified as we had believed.

This happens on every rejection that we face in life, Every time that we tell our story of deserving more and someone says no, Every time that we try to convince others and they refuse to believe us, Every time that we act out our narrative, society pushes back against us.

It can be a university or job application that tells us we do not deserve the position, a paper submission that gets rejected, which tells us our research is not worthy, a social group that excludes us, that tells us we are not valued, a political movement that fails to gain traction, which tells us our cause is not important, A relationship that ends tells us we are not lovable.

Each of these defeats chips away at our story of deserving more, forcing us to confront the reality that our narrative may not be as valid or justified as we believed. This can lead to a crisis of identity, as we struggle to reconcile our self-perception with the feedback we receive from others. We may feel lost, confused, or uncertain about our place in the world. We may also experience a sense of shame or humiliation as we are forced to confront the fact that our story is not as compelling or convincing as we thought it was.

This can lead to three outcomes from best to worst:

Adaptation and Growth: We may use the defeat of our story as an opportunity for self-reflection and growth, reevaluating our beliefs and values in light of new information. This can lead to a more nuanced and realistic understanding of ourselves and our place in the world.
Denial and Resistance: We may refuse to accept the defeat of our story, doubling down on our beliefs and trying to come up with more lies and techniques to convince others to see things our way. This can lead to conflict and division, as we become more entrenched in our narrative.
Despair and Withdrawal: We may feel overwhelmed by the defeat of our story, leading to feelings of hopelessness and despair, a sense of loss of control and purpose. This can lead to withdrawal from social interactions and a sense of isolation, depression, and even self-destructive behavior.

One big trap here is to mistake Denial or Despair as Adaptation and Growth, believing that by resisting or withdrawing, we are somehow protecting our story and ourselves, while in reality, we are only deepening our self-deception and lies, and further isolating ourselves from the reality that could help us grow and evolve.

In any rejection and defeat of our story, we always go through a grieving process, We should complete one stage before moving to the next. We should go through Denial, then Despair, before reaching Acceptance. If you lie to yourself about any stage, you will get stuck there and can not move forward. This process is similar to the stages of grief identified by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross:

Denial: We may initially refuse to accept the defeat of our story, clinging to our beliefs and trying to find ways to justify them. (Denial)
Anger: We may feel angry and resentful towards those who challenged our story, blaming them for our perceived failures. (Denial and Resistance)
Bargaining: We may try to negotiate or make deals with ourselves or others in an attempt to salvage our narrative. (Resistance)
Depression: We may experience feelings of sadness and hopelessness as we confront the reality of our situation. (Despair and Withdrawal)
Acceptance: We may eventually come to terms with the defeat of our story, accepting the reality of our situation and finding ways to move forward. (Adaptation and Growth)

Final words: The stories we tell ourselves and others are powerful tools for navigating our lives. However, they can also lead to self-deception, manipulation, and harm to others. By understanding the patterns we use to construct our narratives, we can begin to regulate them and minimize their negative impact. A smart person can master these patterns to become a better liar and manipulator, and can also detect if others are using them too. But the wisest person is the one who recognizes these patterns in themselves first and works to overcome or regulate them, so they can live a more authentic life.